Tuesday, January 12, 2010


I have so much to talk about.  So much to say.  I guess I will start with this:

I am sitting here today talking to you on a very sore bottom.  I'm not sure what happened, but something in J clicked.  He read my post yesterday while I was at work.  Not sure what he was thinking about the rest of the time, but I got one heck of a spanking last night when I got home.  I was begging him to stop.  I was starting to get mad at him because he wouldn't.  I was seriously wondering what the heck I was thinking.  But I'm jumping ahead of myself.

J picked me up from work and he was still J, but I could tell something was on his mind. On our way home everything was light and good.  I told him about my day at work.  I started singing a song along with the radio, which I often do.  I believe it was "You Should Have Said No" by Taylor Swift.  I know this song by heart and sing it with gusto.  J asked me why women like songs like these.  I looked at him and said I don't know.  He said something about women generalizing men, and I looked at him told him he was generalizing women.  This little discusion continued until we pulled up to the house.  That's how long the song played.  As we walked into the house, I proceded to inform him that it was just one song, by one artist, about one guy, therefore the song is not generalized at all in the first place.  He told me to go get the damn dogs. 

What?  I looked up at him and said exactly that.  "You heard me."  I studied his face for a moment, trying to read his mind.  I noticed the little twinkle in his eye and a grin playing on the corner of his lips, but he was serious.  He is testing the waters, to see how I will react.  I love him for it.  He is accepting his role with grace, just like everything else he does.  In the LDD book, the second chapter is on submission.  It states in there that the HOH should give random orders to help with the woman's obedience.  I'm thinking he read that part.   I wasn't sure what he was up to, but I tagged the behavior as "bratting?!", something we women do to when we want a spanking. Was he wanting to give me one?  Hmmm...

I went and got the dogs.  I sat down next to him and we talked some more about TTWD.  I asked him if he was trying to bait me into an argument.  J looked at me with that little grin of his and said maybe.  I looked at him serious, but playfully and told him if he was looking for a reason to spank me I wasn't aware that he needed one and he probably had plenty anyway.  Apparantly he wanted to give me one and I wasn't going to turn him down.  He said ok, then what is the spanking for?  He believes that there needs to be a logical reason and purpose behind the spanking.  I don't think there is anything wrong with that, because it gives both of us a goal to strive for. 

Hindsight being 20/20, I can think of a lot better reasons then the one I gave him.  I guess in some ways I want him to call me on things, but I need to call myself on them and then allow J to help me.  I think because I am so overwhelmed with all the things I should be doing and all the things I've done wrong or not done at all, it's hard to pinpoint one thing for him to spank me for.  I want the release that comes with the tears, so I just told him stress relief.  A practice spanking, sort of.  A way for him to get comfortable with spanking me without the added duress of it being for punishment.  I think he was a little disappointed in my answer, but he didn't argue the point.  I want him to go at his own pace, so he can get comfortable with his own technique.  But again, there are a lot better reasons I could have given him than that.  Maybe another day, another post.

Needless to say, I ended up over J's knee.  He was in one of our kitchen chairs and it was a little difficult at first to get adjusted where I didn't feel like I was falling off of his lap, but we got it figured out.  J spanked me for a long time.  I tried to get off of his lap, but he placed his hand gently on my back and held me down.  I kicked and he locked my legs with his.  I wiggled and he held me tighter.  He spanked until I begged I couldn't take anymore.  He said nope, you wanted this.  He continued for a long time.  After a while he let me up and held me.  He asked me if I wanted more.  I told him yes I could take more, I wasn't crying yet.  (He asked me that today, I told him no way!)  :)~  He took me over his knee again.  We did this about three more times.  It is actually really hard for me to cry, but he almost got me there.  I was crying a few tears when he was done with me. 

I have a very, very sore bottom today and it's marked pretty good, but I know he will get better because he does not like seeing those.  J told me he was sorry for doing that and I told him that it was ok and I was proud of them.  I am.  Besides, there have been a lot of kisses, holding and hugs since the spanking and I really enjoy the closeness.  I am really proud of J and the effort he put forth last night.  I'm a little ginger, but a whole lot loved.

Until next time,

Monday, January 11, 2010

Hello Everyone!

Hi.  It's been a while since I've written anything in my blog.  I picked up a new client at work and taking care of J post-surgery. J has recovered nicely from his surgery.  He said he feels better than he has in months.  Nothing serious, just one of those organs God gave us but we can live without.  Although, apparently they can make a person really sick if they are malfunctioning.

So, it's the start of a new year.  New challenges, stories and spankings.  I am beginning to wonder if the reason J was hesitant is because he just wasn't feeling well.  He is feeling much better now and he picked up the book and read a couple of chapters.  LOL...He said he was hoping I wouldn't notice.  Anyways, I am again hopeful that this year will bring new adventures and discovering of ourselves.

I, of course, will write more as things progress.  I am glad I started this blog.  It is interesting to see the progression we have taken in our lives.  It seems so slow, but again this is very hard for him.  I am hoping that by others following our story here, they can see that it may take a few days or a few months to introduce LDD into your life but, if you are patient, it does come.  I think that it is important to note, as well, that although life itself can sometimes get in the way of progress, it is possible to get back on track and eventually it does come together.  Remember, this is your new life.  Just as things get in the way in every other part of life, it happens here, too.  Life flows and you have to take the good with the bad.

I hear a lot of ladies out there who say they really, really need a spanking and that their HOH doesn't seem to be "getting it".  At this point, I could be one of them.  It is a conscious choice every day to submit to the HOH that doesn't seem to be "getting it".  Yes, some things could be handled differently perhaps, but I will gently remind J when he gets frustrated with me that he has options now.  It's up to HIM to make that choice to implement those options, not me.  Again, to get frustrated with your HOH would be detrimental.  He needs to know you submit to him whether you like his decision or not.  Remember, LDD is about submitting to him because you love him, not because of what you get out of it.  This does not mean become a doormat that he doesn't pay attention to.  Besides, if your HOH truly loves you and you love him, that senario is almost impossible, anyway.


Until next time,

Thursday, December 31, 2009

A Sample Story written by Victoria Fox

Find more stories and books by Victoria Fox and other authors at www.lulu.com

The Professor Who Spanked Me

     One of the last times I got a spanking was while I was on vacation. I was in a busy city where I have a lot of old friends, and one of them happens to be a professor. I was never his student, not in any officially academic way, although I did learn some things from him. We used to get together for a beer and some chit chat, or we might wind up hanging out in his quaint old house. He had an amazing music and book collection, and we would sit for hours and talk about it sometimes over a glass of wine. I looked him up when I was visiting, because he was also one of my spanking friends- and well, after the first time he spanked me I haven’t missed any opportunity for more education!

     One of the first times we were hanging out, I discovered that we share the same kink. It was neat for me, because even though I didn’t place him in the same category as romantic friends, he fit a certain archetype. The funny part is that I knew he was a professor- but not that he is also a drummer on the side. Let me tell you, drummers are very practiced at whacking things with precision, I’ll warn you with that about letting any of them spank you! I, however, was not so wise. I took a bar bet with him, which would mean an hour long spanking of I lost. An hour! I can be smug, but what was I thinking? Oh, you’re guessing right- I lost the bet. He let me finish my glass of wine and cigarette, and asked me to go into his spare bedroom.

     He sat down and pulled me over his lap. I couldn’t believe it was actually happening! I didn’t have to wonder long about whether or not he was serious. First he started to spank me with his hand, and then he picked up a hairbrush– that just happened to be laying there. Huh? I realized at that moment that I had sort of been set up. He had this in mind before he made that bet. He started paddling my bottom with the hairbrush like a naughty little girl, as I realized that this was only going to get worse. And go on for a long time….. Now, my skirt wasn’t even up yet, and he asks me “Oh, what time did we start?” I didn’t know. He lifted my nose up so I could take notice of the clock in the corner. Then he explained to me that I should have known it was my responsibility to keep track of time. He started over, pulling up my skirt. I winced, knowing this professor was now seeing my lacy little red panties. He put the hairbrush down for a moment and proceeded to slap my ass with his hand, hard. The smacks rained down in different spots, and I was beginning to feel a building hot burn. I squirmed a little and he hooked his leg over mine, pinned my wrist to my back, and picked the hairbrush up. I hadn’t been making much noise about it yet, but as he brought the wooden back down spanking me with it, I yelped and squeaked out little surprised sounds of discomfort. He didn’t seem to care…..

     I looked up at the clock, and realized with mild horror that it had only been about 5 minutes. My bottom must have been glowing red outside the edges of my panties, which I soon felt him tugging on. He made me lean up slightly, which I did without hesitation, and he pulled them down. I whimpered and felt my face flush with embarrassment, knowing that he could see my bottom and mean to continue spanking me. Did I think he had just been joking? Or had I really been looking for a way to get him to do this all along?

     Either way it didn’t matter. Something cool and different was on my bare bottom. With a resounding swat I realized it was a wicked little wooden paddle. It stung so much I couldn’t believe it. I must have started to struggle more than I realized, because he sternly told me to stay still and them swatted me about 25 times in rapid succession. I had wanted to be spanked, and now I was fighting myself not to fight the person delivering it. Clearly, would I have taken a bet like that if I didn’t want to do it, deep down? Probably not. Yet I was becoming miserable as i watched the blinking lights of the clock slip by so slowly. Seven minutes, nine minutes.

     He stopped for a second and unbuckled my cute little shoes and tossed them aside. I heaved a deep breath, and he pulled my stockings off. They had become twisted up about my ankles. Then he made me stand up and put my hands on the bed. He talked about my bottom, which made me feel more embarrassed. He told me to stick it out as far as I could, and rubbed his hands across the burning surface for a second, before telling me how red it was. He said he thought I really was a naughty girl in some aspects of my life, and that I probably really needed to be spanked. He asked me if that was true, and I sighed and agreed. He told me he thought I had probably had this coming for a long time. Then I heard him unbuckle his belt and I shuddered.

     Fiery lines of heat cracked across my bottom loudly, seeming to make sound first and then be felt half a second later. He whipped me with the belt maybe 12 times and then told me to kneel on the floor and lean over the bed. He kept whipping my hot bare bottom with the belt, and I held onto the other side of the mattress to try to keep myself in position. A long few minutes went by, and he dropped the belt to the floor and pulled me back across his lap. Then he continued spanking me all over with his hand, squeezing here and there, running his fingers across a line, and then slapping hard again. This time he started to get my thighs really good, and it definitely got my attention. Now we were at 23 minutes. I wasn’t crying but I felt close to it, and didn’t know how I could possibly take any more. I was determined not to back out, though.

     My legs were quivering when he stopped for a moment and made me stand up. I was told to hold my skirt up in behind and not even think of rubbing it. Then the professor made me go stand in the corner while holding it up like that. He told me that it didn’t count as spanking time, but that he wanted me to think on all the things I probably really should get spanked for. I squirmed. I tapped my foot. He told me to stand still and behave, that he wanted me to know what it felt like to have my bottom on display like that. I could feel it throbbing and knew it must be bright red. Standing in the corner like that made me feel sheepish and childish. I didn’t want to stand there! Still, I didn’t want him to call me out of the corner, because I knew I still had a long spanking to go. He made me stand there for about five minutes, although it seemed like an hour.

     Finally he told me to lay back over the bed, and I saw that there was a switch in his hand. He stacked a few pillows up and I was made to place myself over them. Then I had to ask him to “Please, spank me. Give me a good switching and then paddle my bare behind again. I know I deserve it.” I gulped as I finished saying the words he made me repeat, and then he started to whip me with the switch. The thin whippy switch was not as heavy as the belt, but it stung intensely every time it swished across my bottom. I was now writhing across the pillows, and embarrassed about how much of me he could see. It didn’t matter, I was getting my licking anyway. I started kicking my feel a little, and he smacked harder and told me to stop. Somehow the first forty minutes passed.

     Then he picked up the paddle and I shuddered. For some reason I was suddenly determined not to let him see me make a big deal about this. I resolved to go ahead and take the rest of my spanking, and I wasn’t going to cry or make a fuss about it. I screwed up so much false pride about it that I actually took this opportunity to say something sassy. Let me tell you, when your bare bottom is up in the air and someone is preparing to give you a good, hard paddling anyway, maybe that’s not the best time to smart off. The paddle popped against my behind extraordinarily fast, and suddenly I was wailing. My friend just laughed at me and continued to spank me some more. He had sound proof walls and his neighbors were not close by, so it wasn’t like anyone was going to hear or notice what was going on.

     Another ten minutes passed and he used a different paddle for a few minutes, the difference in sensation making the sting almost unbearable. He paused for a minute and rubbed some cool moisturizing lotion all over my bottom. His hands were gentle, but the sensation of being touched made me nearly jump into the air. My bottom hurt so much! He told me that he was doing it to help keep the skin moist, and also because it would make the last of my spanking sting more. Then he hauled me back over his knee and told me he was going to be “nice” by just spanking me with his hand for the rest of the time. Oww. Nine minutes. The curve of his hand moved with my skin on impact for every swat. I was squirming around, but he had me held down tight.

     I felt the panic rise again, as he smacked harder and faster than it seemed possible. My thoughts were in a flurry, like his hand, and then suddenly I was calm. The spanking continued for another three minutes, and it really hurt, but I just took deep breaths and watched the clock flashing, having slipped into some kind of meditational place where I felt very at peace. Finally he stopped spanking me and told me I could get up. Shakily, I put my clothing back in order. We shared another glass of wine and I went home to mull the evening’s surprises over.

The moral of the story: Be careful when placing bets, sometimes they get called in.

I hope you enjoyed this story as much as I did.  Have a Very Happy New Year!!  Please drive safely. Party at home, it's safer.  After all, it's an Amateur Drunk Night.

Until next time,

Wednesday, December 30, 2009


Not much to write about lately, at least in the spanking world.  I intend to post a story from a book I got over Christmas, but I have not done so yet.  I will get to that today, hopefully.  J is going in for a minor? surgery tommorrow.  Hopefully, he should feel a lot better when it's over.  He's been sick to his stomach a lot lately, so they are going to fix that.

I started another blog, but did not attach it to this because the nature of the two blogs is not connected.  If you are interested in checking it out the blog address is fightingforourfreedom.blogspot.com.  It is very clearly stated what it is about.  Please keep comments separate and I would appreciate the same courtesy there as I receive from all of you here.  Agreeing to disagree is fine, just please avoid rude behavior.

I really do appreciate all of you for your support in our LDD life and look forward to much growth in this area next year.  I want to wish you all a very Happy New Year and a year full of Happy Spankings!


Until next time,

Saturday, December 26, 2009


Whew! I never thought we'd make it.  I'm sure glad that J is an awesome driver!  We spent the holidays with his sister and brother-in-law and their two kids.  We had a great time, but we got snowed in an extra day.  Not too bad considering in some parts of the country it is much, much worse.  

No spankings this weekend.  I was a good girl for Craig.  I wouldn't embarrass him in front of his family, anyway.  It was his first Christmas with them in 14 years!  However, I will say that he did try his best to give me a stress-relief spanking.  Again, this is trial and error and we are both learning.  It was good, but I know it will get better eventually.  He stopped when a lot of marks started showing up.  He's working on the warm-up, but hasn't mastered it, plus my bottom is not very tough right now.  He doesn't like the marks, so I imagine the warm up is something he will master yet.  LDD is slow to integrate into our life, but he did pick up the book the other day, so it's not dead by any means.  :) YEAH!! 

I know a lot of people had to improvise, but hopefully you were able to reach out to the ones around you that were lonely and spread some joy! I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday and would love to hear how you all ended up spending Christmas this year.

Hugs to all,

Monday, December 21, 2009

Christmas! Christmas! Christmas!

Before I start this I want to say that I really do like Christmas.  I like the lights, songs, and decorations.  I like seeing family, because it seems the only time of year everyone can see each other.  So, it's not really Christmas that I hate, it's the emotions that build all year and come to a head at the holidays. And almost always the basis for those emotions is the feelings I harbor against my mother.

Unfortunately for me Christmas is a dreaded event.  I stress about it all year.  Early in the year because I'm trying to play "catch up" on bills that I passed up paying to have a Christmas.  The rest of the year, I stress because I hate the way my mom acts all year, so cold and unfeeling, and then at Christmas she's almost worse, because she'll deal with you because it's the holidays, but you wonder if she really cares or if she's just putting on a show.  I hate it because I am poor and they are not and I can't do all the things she can for Christmas, so I get looked down upon like I'm a failure.  So I feel like a failure all year and then Christmas again.  It's a vicious cycle and it's worse this year.  I am so angry about the way my mom is treating my son that I just want to rip her head off.  I keep stewing about this and it's making me more and more angry.  I've been stewing about this since school started.

I have two children, a daughter and a son.  My girl is older.  She'll be 18 in a month.  My son is 17 months younger than her to the day.  They both live with my parents.  My mom LOVES my daughter.  Has since day one.  Would always take her overnight when she was a baby, spoiled her, she never went without anything.  Then my son came along.  He looked like me, acted like me, was a spitting image of me.  She hates him.  She treats him like crap.  I see my daughter so happy and my son is miserable.  I also see the way my mom treats my daughter and the way she treats my son.  I know why my daughter is happy and I know why my son is miserable.  And I hate her for it.

Ok, first of all neither of my parents are really my parents.  (I find that easier to say as I grow older and I don't like it.  It's proof I'm becoming more detached to them all the time.)  I was adopted at age four by this couple.  My dad and I always got along, but he's very laid back and cool.  That woman and me, though, was a completely different story.  She hated me and let me know that at every opportunity.  Unfortunately, that brings me back to the treatment of my son.  She is an angel to my daughter and the wicked witch of the west to my son.  She treats him like she treated me only it's worse because it's emotional damage on my son, not physical like with me.  She can't hit him, because she knows better.  I'd kill her.  But, there are so many other things she does to him.  OMG I want to scream!!!!!!!!  WTF?  What kind of person does that?  What does that say about her? What does it say about me that I hate this woman that is supposed to be my mom?  It's hurts.  I stew and I cry and I stress.  I don't think I'm going to be able to hold my tongue at our next family gathering.  I don't even want to be there for Christmas, because the surroundings will only intesify my anger.

My son is so miserable and he failed all his classes this semester.  He didn't even try.  He doesn't want to.  What's the point?  It doesn't matter what he does anyway, it will never be good enough.  I hated her for doing that to me, and I hate her more for doing that to him.  On the other hand, my daughter is passing with flying colors.  It's not that school is harder for him or that he's not smart enough.  He doesn't have anyone that loves him there.  When you know your unloved and unwelcome and it's flaunted at you right in front of your sister who can do no wrong, that hurts.  He's talked about suicide and running away to Japan and never coming back.  She's hurting him and I can't stop it.

What do I do? What can I do?  I don't know.  I want to tell her off, but that's not going to help my son and will probably destroy what little relationship I have left with my parents.  I don't want to lose my parents.  I love them, but I hate what they are doing.  I hate how mom is treating my son and I hate that my dad lets it happen.  I hate that I didn't do something to stop it a long time ago when he was a baby.  She was doing it then and of course it's gotten worse.  That woman thinks she can get away with murder.

 J and I are going to see his family this year for Christmas. Because my daughter's 18th birthday is the next month after Christmas we are going out for her birthday. That's the best I can do right now.

I want to add that I do wish J was more comfortable with spanking me.  I sure could use some stress relief and a good cry.

I do hope that all of you out there make it through this Christmas and have a Merry one.

Until next time,

Friday, December 18, 2009

Letter to J

Dear J,

Please help me. Only you can. I love you so much. Please understand my need for LDD and the benefits of such a life. I know what I am asking from you is very difficult because of the love you have for me.  If you didn't love me that much this life wouldn't even be possible.  I know it seems so selfish what I am asking, but it's not. It's NOT.  I want to be all I can be and more for everyone that I interact with in my life.  You, of course, but there is also my friends, my children, my parents, my job, my clients and my individual interactions with people every day in my life.  All of these people are affected my behavior and happiness level.  Please help me to be a happier, better behaved, purely feminine woman.  I want to be filled with joy, peace and love.  Only you can do this for me through strict discipline and love.

Do not be afraid of hurting me.  You could never do that.  Discipline does involve hurting me, but it's a beneficial kind of pain.  A learning kind of pain.  A cleansing kind of pain.  A positive kind of pain.  I can't tell you enough how much I appreciate you.  You are trying so hard to overcome your fears and reservations.  I see you working on this even if you don't think I do.  Please read the book with an open heart.  Please read it with a logical mind.  It really makes a good point about the reasoning and benefits of LDD.  I desire those benefits.  I need them to be a complete woman for you.  I want this for us, for you.  I want to be my best always, because I shine when I am at my best.  The glow in me has dimishished since we have been together.  My excitement for life and what doors you have opened for me has dulled some.  Not due to any fault of yours or mine, but just because I am a woman and that's what happens over time.  A spanking is like polishing the silver to make it shine again.  I know discipline, good strong tearful discipline, will help me shine again.  Help me to shine again for you, J.

With all my love,