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I read it to him, didn't want to, but I did. All I have to say is I'm a lucky girl to have a forgiving HOH. I know I'll be luckier when he's not so forgiving, however, I'm not exactly looking forward to my next discipline spanking. I much prefer good-girl spankings.
***I will call my HOH "J" from now on. He has agreed to let me do this here. The reason for me asking this of him is I find myself detaching emotionally from the blog because I can't put his name in here. This is, and should be I think, a very intimate and personal thing for me. I don't want to detach myself from my blog in any way. I want to truly speak from the heart. I hope to touch the hearts of my readers. I wish to portray LDD in a positive light.
Due to the nature of the content that this post has led me on I must include this warning:
DO NOT introduce LDD into an already abusive relationsip. This could possibly have detremental effects to you. You could possibly end up in a Master/Slave relationship from which it could take years to escape. My best advice would be to LEAVE IMMEDIATELY. Call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. They will connect you to the closest office that can protect you and help you get out. They will relocate you to any location of your choice, including state to state, and provide you with the resources to get resettled. ***DO IT AFRAID, JUST DO IT***
A proper canidate for your HOH will already be compassionate, giving, kind, and love you unconditionally. Please pardon the "canidate" word, dear HOHs. Suggestions?
It's such a beautiful thing that LDD brings to the hearts of those that make this a part of their life. Many of us, including me, call LDD a "lifestyle" and "TTWD" (this thing we do). I think it's such a natural part of life that I almost don't understand why it isn't the norm. It's the internal make-up God has given us, and it's something, it seems, that every woman out there that's "missing something" is looking for. Could you imagine the marriages that could be saved? The broken hearts that could be healed? The children that would grow up so happy and healthy with the dad and mom God gave them? Could you imagine the change in America if we all adopted this "lifestyle"?
There is nothing wrong with being a strong woman. Emotionally we are strong. God made us that way. But that also makes us build walls, become stubborn and illogical. Thank the Lord that He gave us to sensible, logical, stronger counterparts to keep our emotions in check. Checks and balances. It's the way it's supposed to be. So natural.
I want to make a call to all women everywhere to give back the reins to whom they belong. Learn how to make this a part of your life. Learn how to "build" your man to be your perfect HOH. Start submitting now. This DOESN'T mean become a doormat. It means to allow him to say yea or nay without you pitching a fit. If he asks you to do something, smile and do it. Don't push his buttons. Behave yourself at all times. Remember you don't really want a Discipline spanking and you don't want to force him to having to give you one. Trust me, it is possible to screw up all by yourself without trying to.
Introduce it slowly!!!!!!!! BE PATIENT!!!!!! If he truly loves you this will be very hard for him and it may take him some time, even months, to get comfortable with the idea of spanking you. Respect that. Do not brat, or be naughty on purpose to push him to spank you. J and I have been together for 3 months shy of two years. He has spanked me in the bedroom pretty much from the beginning. But "Discipline" spanking is a whole other ball game. You are asking him to hurt you. You are asking him to make you cry. You are asking A HELL OF A LOT. I recommend purchasing Loving Domestic Discipline, reading it cover to cover and then giving it to your future HOH and allowing him all the time in the world he needs to read and absorb it.
It may seem that your HOH is not "getting it" (understanding what LDD is about and your desperate need for it). But in actuality, ladies, this is not true. Men's brains are not empty, anymore than yours is. Men are very analytical and once they choose to do something, they usually do it. They must be allowed the time to make that choice. When you introduce the LDD into your life the first thing they think about is all the things they have been taught about girls and all the things that could go wrong. Then once they get past that, and if you're patient he will, then they start thinking can I really do this? I love her, can I really do that to her? Can I really make her cry? Can I spank her properly? Can I push myself to do that? This seems to me the process that takes the most time.
If you continue to be as submissive as possible, then you will see his confidence grow. He will begin using the "command tone". Do not baulk at this or you'll blow it. He may even begin giving little "threats". This is a sign of progress. He is starting to open up to the fact that he is the man and he wears the pants. He is also opening to the idea of spanking you. You may have recieved a spanking or two by this time, probably in the bedroom. This is his way of testing the waters. This might be a good time to introduce him to blogs about LDD on the internet, if he is interested, or start your own. You're starting to get excited and might be trying to rush things a bit. DON'T. Again, be patient. It's decision time and you don't want to influence that decision negatively. I know, I almost blew it myself last week. This is the point where J is now.
What happens next? After this point I am relatively unhelpful. We are not there yet. There are many books and blogs out there that address the advanced stages of LDD. I hope to lead you through our progress to that stage. If anyone feels they have an answer to that queston for me...please comment. I love the comments, even if they are just short ones. I read every one.
Until next time...
Jadedjewel
Today, I want to take you on the journey my HOH and I took to get to where we are today. It's a journey I love to travel over and over in my mind. It's a sweet, loving journey and I hope that it gives hope to those of you out there that are still looking for your HOH.
He's 42 and I'm 37. We met Feb. 2008, went on our first date the next month and have been together ever since. It was a rocky start for the two of us. He was just getting out of a bad relationship he had been in 12 years. I was single and looking, but cautiously. Meaning, I put him through a lot before I let him have me. Also, I told him I wouldn't tell him that I loved him. At the very least, I wasn't going to be the first to say it.
When we finally hooked up it was like magic. We loved doing the same things, the same music, the same ideals, and he had a strong family background. His dad ruled the roost and there was never any question about that. He was a little down about himself, but that was rather easy to overcome, due to his upbringing and the fact I naturally submitted to him. He made it easy. He is not a huge man, but he is totally my XXL. He is almost 6' and has huge arms. I have a serious arm fetish and I love his. He also has a wolf howling at the moon tattooed on one of his biceps. I collect wolves so it was only natural to add his arm to my collection. :) He was very caring, gentle, kind, soft spoken, but such a deep voice it still sends shivers down my spine. I especially like listening to his voice on the phone because you get the full effect. When we first started going out, my friends would call to talk to him just to hear his voice. It's so sexy. Physically, he is a very strong man. He wraps his arms around me at night and I feel so safe and content. I have never in my life been able to sleep so peacefully as when I'm wrapped up in him. I love to hear that voice speaking to me and those arms wrapped around me. Oh yes, it was easy to submit. I didn't want to do anything to jepardize this wonderful little bubble he had put me in. He had taken so many worries away. He tells me, even now, that everything will be alright. It's so comforting to hear those words. It means I'm not alone and I don't have to struggle alone.
I am pretty sure we fell in love almost instantly. Once, I think he was working up the courage to say it or something. It was the way he was looking at me. We hadn't been together very long when I felt that he was about to say it. I told him don't say it. It's too soon. I didn't want to hear it. Remember, I wasn't going to say it first either. Well, he wasn't going to say it, but he got the point. Finally, one night he looked at me and said "I don't care if you want to hear it or not. I think I've fallen in love with you." I cried and told him that I loved him, too. I know. Sappy! Got to love romance.
We moved in together at the beginning of June. He had to teach me the meaning of "we", "us" and "ours". That was a difficult concept for me and it took him quite a while. In all my other relationships, there was no "us" and definitely no "ours". It was either "yours" or "mine" depending on who's pocket the money came out of. Usually it came out of my pocket, (if I had money, it was always spent first) but somehow ended up being "his" anyway. By my HOH teaching me the meaning of these words, it made it easier for me to let him take care of things. I do pay the bills, but that's cause I'm home and I have time to do that, but he gives me the money for them and usually takes care of any other little expenses we have such as food, gas and other things. I don't tell him what to do with his money. I never have done that to any of the men I was with. But, on the other hand, he doesn't tell me what to do with mine, either. He doesn't care how I spend it as long as the bills get paid. That is completely new to me. I've never had that. I always had to give all my money to the men I was with, but he doesn't want my money. He insists on paying himself and very rarely takes money from me or lets me pay. If we are going out my treat, I give him the money before we get to our destination, so he can still pay. It really works! It allows him to still be in control of the situation with only the two of us knowing it's on me. It also helps keep me from overspending, because he has the money. I love the consideration he has for me and I try to return that in any way I can. I also don't pick fights with him very often. It's not my style. I hate contention and so does he, so we rarely ever argue.
Our lovemaking was explosive. We just clicked. Fortunately, we both decided at our age there was no point in being coy, so we are very connected and explorative. We constantly communicate to each other our likes and dislikes. We enjoy watching porn together. I lean a little toward the light BDSM side of porn, so we have played around with light bondage, erotic spanking and movies like The Submission of "O". In a way, I thought what I was searching for was a light type of BDSM relationship, but I don't see me having a successful relationship that way and I can't see him being a "Master" so to speak. He would never expect me to bow to him and call him "Sir". That's not his style. Of course, this doesn't mean that I cannot see him or respect him as a Dominant or HOH. I think "Masters" play a different role. More controlling, demanding, deeper and darker, and neither one of us wants to do that to the other. No, we don't want darker, we want fresh, beautiful ways to express our love to each other and keep our love life fresh and new. I wanted to know what I needed to do in order to keep the relationship going in a positive direction. I didn't want us to become discontented, stagnant, or unhappy. Unbeknowst to me, I was about to find the answer.
One day a few months ago, I was looking for stories to read, but everything I found was too hard-core. I don't like the stories of slavery and the like. I was looking for lighter stuff and suddenly ran across a story about spanking. It was a Husband/Wife scenerio. I was hooked! The more I read, the more excited I became. All the stuff I was reading made sense and completely related to how I was feeling. How I have felt for a long time. I wasn't expecting that. I think the first blogs I came across were The Cookie Jar, Loving Domestic Discipline and C's Loving Domestic Discipline Blog. I found the Spanking Bloggers Network this way. There were other's, too. As I continued to read, I realized that I had found what it was that I was searching for. The one thing "missing" in our relationship. A way for him to discipline me when I did things that he was not pleased with. Since we had already experimented with erotic spanking this wasn't a far stretch. So I thought, anyway. As time goes on, I am discovering TTWD is a much more difficult, powerful, stimulating and richly rewarding lifestyle than I could have ever imagined.
For the next month, I continued to search, read and study anything and everything I could find about this "LDD lifestyle". It was over a month before I even mentioned anything to my HOH about it. I wanted to make sure that this was what I wanted before I asked him to do this. I like the fact that this is a twist off of the traditional Christian Domestic Discipline without the "churchy" side of it. Yes, we both believe in the Lord, but we are not church-goers or Bible readers, so that would not conform to our life in general. LDD does focus on love, respect, honesty, obedience, submission and strengthening a relationship through discipline. These are all Christian concepts and effective in any relationship. I read about the fears men have regarding this lifestyle. I discovered that many women introduce this into the relationship. It's hardly ever the man's idea. I read about different types of spankings, warm-ups, women's fears, what goes through a woman's mind when she is being spanked. I read about spanking to and through the tears. I knew he would have a very difficult time with that, because he does not like to see me cry and certainly doesn't want to be the cause of it. Anything and everything I could get my hands on I saved in my favorites, studied and reread again and again. I quit reading stories, I wanted facts. I wanted to arm my new HOH with all the knowledge he would need to be the best HOH he could be. He read everything I showed him until he almost went crazy, then I started reading stuff to him until he went crazy all over again.
I have recieved a few small disciplinary spankings from him and one preliminary spanking, but at the moment he is trying to find a way to NOT have to give me a spanking. He is fair and just. No matter what, he will not spank me if he doesn't feel I deserve it. Also, he is not quite ready to give me a spanking "through the tears". I think it scares him a little. We have had "practice" or "just for fun" spankings and a few discipline spankings. It concerns him because he leaves bruises, which I discussed in another post. Elle's post she discussed in the comment section is here. The more we study and practice, the more comfortable he becomes with spanking and the less marks he leaves. We recently have been studying up on the effects of lotion and warm-ups. There is a spanker on youtube that can give some of the hardest spankings I have seen and hardly mar the skin. It's almost always just a bright cherry red when he is done. I showed that to my HOH this weekend. It showed a video of exactly how to perform a discipline spanking. I think it was extremely informative, practical, and very helpful to him. Thank you, NIKO!
I read him my blog every time I post in it. Sometimes it's really hard to read to him what I have put in it because it bares my soul to him and often reveals faults or spankable offenses I try really hard to hide. I put a lot of stuff in here that I don't tell anyone. I guess even though I know there are people out there reading this, it's seems less risky emotionally to write stuff in here. I am tempted to skip sentences or paragraphs when I'm reading to him sometimes. I haven't done that. I read it to him word for word, but on occasion it gets really hard to keep reading because I begin feeling so vulnerable. When I read him Our Story...Continued his comment was, "I bet every HOH out there reading this is thinking, he needs to whip that girl's ass." I asked him what he was thinking and he stated pretty much that. All those behaviors are spankable offenses. He also stated that once he fully accepts this lifestyle, he is "guessing", in other words, "confident" that there won't be much repetition of bad behaviors from me. It is very hard to read stuff to him because I run the risk of getting in trouble, but I can't hide it from him. I enjoy reading it to him and he doesn't seem to mind if I do.
I pushed my HOH a little too hard last week for a spanking and almost blew the whole thing. We talked about it Sunday after we watched the videos. I have tried so hard to let him take his time, but I guess I thought he was more comfortable with it than he actually was. That's what I get for thinking. He is seriously considering it, but I need to let him do it in his own time. He needs to get past his dislike of making me cry, even though I think he sees the benefits. He loves me so much that it is VERY hard for him to talk himself into hurting me and making me cry. Right now that seems to be how he looks at it. Completely understandable, considering the fact that this is definitely a requirement for a successful LDD relationship. I know there are benefits to this, too, but I don't think that really makes it any easier for the spanker or the spankee. However, he has assumed the position of HOH with ease despite the shortage of physical discipline. He definitely has put his foot down in certain situations and warned me of the consequences of bad behavior. Because I want to please him so much and not force him into a position where he has to spank me, I try very hard to head his warnings. So far, so good. Of course, I continue to search, study, write in my blog, and show him things that I find as he is ready.
The issue with me not taking my medication was immediately addressed. I get a prescription every three months for 100 pills. I had a prescription filled over a month ago. Probably closer to two months. We counted them. There was still 90 left. I got severely scolded for not taking my medications and he went a got a pill box for me. He filled it for me Sunday morning and told me it better be empty by Saturday. It is a rule now, our only rule, so far. and it comes with a specific discipline. If I ever get stupid enough to forget to take my medication again, then I will let you know how that turns out. Some of you are probably wondering why he didn't give me a spanking for only taking 10 pills in the last couple months. That is certainly a spankable offense. Yes, it is, but he is not ready to go there yet. I did ask him a couple of weeks ago to help me remember to take my meds and he said, basically, because of his inconsistancy in helping with that, he is partly to blame and so I didn't get one. I don't know if this is how an experienced HOH would handle this situation, but I don't question him and I don't push for him to spank me.
*******Phone call received just now******* The meds were delivered to my house on Sept. 15. OMG, that's two and a half months ago. My HOH has told me he doesn't even want to know, because that will just upset him more. Do I skip this paragraph? It's a short one.
Until next time....
Jadedjewel
I just wanted to say that I really appreciate all your comments and encouragements. It's a scary thing I think sometimes, entering into the LDD lifestyle. Scary for us, anyway. It's nice to know that there are others out there who understand TTWD.
His fears sometimes override our ability to move forward right now, but as Elle said it's a learning curve. I try not to push, but sometimes I wonder if he is really interested at all. I say this sitting on a sore bum, because I did talk him into a "just for fun" spanking last night that turned into a exotic spanking, which turned into the most fantastic blowjob I think I have ever given him. I was so lost in it. Hmmm. It was yummy. And, of course followed up by fantastic lovemaking. Progress? Not sure. He wanted to stop long before I was ready, but it worried him how red my butt was getting, and he could see marks. But, the warm-up was better and I did talk him to our pink leather paddle, but I could still feel his hesitation. Then guess what my dumbass did? I decided to put lotion on my bottom to keep it from chafting.... Yeah, OMG that stung like flippin' crazy. WOW. Not sure I will be doing that again anytime soon. We laughed about that for quite a while. Hmmm, maybe that's why our men put lotion on our bottoms afterwards in the first place? Anyway, this morning I can feel it, but the marks are almost gone and I love him so much for pushing his own limits and mine. My fears are more of how much it's going to hurt when he does get the hang of it. Other than that I guess I'm not afraid of anything except losing him.
I want so much to be all I can be for him. He is so worthy, even though he doesn't see it. He was with a woman for 12 years that did nothing but control him and tear him down. Just the fact he stuck it out for as long as he did says a lot about his determination, committment and inner strength. Also, when he did finally decide to leave her, he didn't go back. That says a lot to me, too.
You should see the man he is today. OMG, what a difference a good woman can make. Not just in him, but in any good man. They really have to start out being good, ladies, or you're wasting your time. I am not bragging, but I respect him, he has his freedom as I have mine. Not the freedom to hurt one another or stay out till God knows when with God know who, but the freedom to be ourselves, to do the things we enjoy. Yes, I love hunting and fishing, especially with him, but that doesn't mean that every time he goes he has to take me along. He needs that time for himself. I get that from him, too. I get to visit my friends pretty much whenever I want, I get to choose what I do for a living and if I want to work or not if I'm called in. Where I want the garden and what I want in it, what flowers I like, what indoor plants I want...the list goes on forever. I have all those choices now, why shouldn't he? Yes, we each have different choices that we make, but we each have the freedom to make them. Otherwise it would be a totally unfair and unjust relationship and if there is one thing I can't stand it's injustice! I also submit to him willingly. If he makes a decision, I may not agree, but it's not my place to throw a fit. By allowing him to make those decisions and supporting what he decides it builds him.
We consult each other and communicate our desires without fear of condemnation or retribution. That's why I feel so free to tell him about this and, recently to ask him for a spanking when I need or want one. I really want to get the new LDD book for him to read because he likes to read books. He doesn't like to sit and read blogs on the computer one bit, but that will have to wait until after Christmas. Ahhh...Patient is a virtue. Until then, he lets me read to him. I read him stuff I find and my own blog, too. I think it helps him to understand what goes on inside my head.
Men have egos and they are very fragile, ladies. BE CAREFUL or you will be responsible for the man you are unhappy with. If you "allow" them to make a decision, don't like the one they make, "take back the reins" and make the decision yourself the way you want it, you are not submitting and you are tearing your man down.
If you get a chance read Proverbs 31. Those of you ladies out there that are Christians should be familiar with this chapter. It would be good to memorize it. It tells you exactly the woman you should be for your God and your man. It's like God's list of "rules" for us. I have been with some messed up men and usually any chance of being successful at that kind of woman was severly stifled, usually through some form of mental, emotional or physical abuse. When they tell you your useless or worthless, and attack you with accusations of things you didn't do or crush you because anything you did do definitely wasn't good enough, it really hurts, and you just quit wanting to be that woman. Why, what's the point? Especially when you know it won't matter tonight, anyhow.
Then along came my HOH. Everything I did he supported, everything I did was perfect, everything I tried was just fine with him, even if I didn't succeed. I wasn't used to that. He is so trustworthy, strong, honest, caring, and unselfish. He holds himself accountable for mistakes he makes, but he holds me accountable, too. He does scold me on occasion, at times very severly. Usually, when I've done something stupid that put me in danger and made him worry about me. That's one of his breaking points I think. He does not like it when I make him worry and I try not to do that very often. Another breaking point of his, I'm pretty sure, is when my mouth gets away from me in public, like the time I got in what he calls "a pissing contest" with a nurse at the hospital when he got sick a couple months ago. Those are the times when I think to myself "I wish he would just woop my ass. Then I know I won't do it again." I feel horrible when I've dissappointed him and upset him like that. But when he's done, that's it. It's done. He doesn't hold anything over my head. I imagine he feels comfortable asserting himself because he knows I will submit and partly because that's the true man inside him in the first place. It just needed some room to come out. What do you do with a man like that? LOL, introduce him to LDD!!
I love him with all my heart and want so much to be everything he needs. He says I am, but I have so many short-comings, so much baggage that keep me from where I want to be. I think perhaps maybe also, if I could somehow atone for at least some of my sins, that maybe I could sleep peacefully at night instead of staying awake crying over things that hurt so bad. Maybe I wouldn't have to take anti-depressants anymore. I could be really truly free inside. That's worth any sacrifice, isn't it? I think I don't let go of those things because that would be saying it's all ok now, and it isn't, it never will be. I never want to let them go or let go of the pain inside me, because I don't deserve that. I guess it's a self-punishment, but yet it's so unfullfilling. I have lived like this for years. Could LDD be the answer? Am I being selfish? I don't know. I guess we'll have to see.
Thank you all again and welcome to my blog!
Until next time,
Jadedjewel
