I am a Good Girl!?

Wow!  I have to say J surprises everytime I turn around.  I love him so much and his love for me overflows in my heart.


Those of you that have read my posts know I have my faults.  I have some horrible behaviors that need to be addressed.  J has seen my faults in action.  Yet, dispite all of that, he tells me that I'm a good girl.  He is comparing our relationship to the previous one he was in for 12 years.  He told me last night that he wouldn't have had a problem with spanking her at all, because she was naughty and mean to him all the time.  Sometimes, they would get in an argument and she would hit him or throw things at him.  She was very controlling and abusive to him.


Our relationship is so different than that.  We have love and freedom within the limits we have given each other.  Neither one of us trys to "control" the other.  Yes, I have my faults which he has seen, but he doesn't see them as very bad.  I guess because even then I am not mean to him.  Yes, I do cause him to worry sometimes, but because I don't put him through what she did, he will scold me, sometimes serverly, but he has a serious problem spanking me.  He doesn't see any reason, too.  As far as he is concerned, I don't do anything wrong, at least nothing serious enough to warrant a spanking.


I know that LDD is based on love, not hate.  Because we have so much love in our relationship and I trust him so much, I introduced LDD to him.  I know it will just help us grow.  He sees it as a task he doesn't want to do because he loves me too much and has a hard time seeing me cry.  He doesn't want to hurt me, because everything in his being is telling him, I don't deserve it.  "She" deserved it, but not me.


J knows I want this, but he's not sure he wants it.  I get lots of "good girl" spankings, which are quite enjoyable, but discipline spankings not so much.  I have asked for stress relief spankings, just to have that catharsis that comes with it, but he isn't comfortable with them either, because they still require him to spank me hard enough to cry.  He is my gentle giant full of tenderness and compassion.


Of course, I do try my best to behave myself, however, I'm still sitting in a dirty house without motivation, so I really do need him to tell me what to do.  To take "control" without being "controlling".  Some of you that have lived through what I have will understand this.  Maybe some of you won't.  It seems a fine line, but ultimately there is a big difference.


Ladies, if your man seems to be having a hard time with this, then consider yourself very lucky.  If he didn't love me as much as he did, he wouldn't struggle with the idea like he does.  It's a lot easier to spank someone that makes you angry all the time, then someone who hardly ever does.  Past experiences can also make this easier or harder for your man.


So, I wait patiently.  I continue to read to him.  I know he will come around.  He has told me he is seriously considering this, but even then I don't know that I will be publishing a lot of posts about spankings as of yet.  It all takes time and indroducing a whole new lifestyle can be daunting.


I appreciate the comments people have left and encourage others to do so.  Like I said before, I read every one.  I might respond and I might not, but it's encouraging to know that people do care and have thoughts they like to share.  I encourage all to leave comments, and as I read others posts, I will try to be more consistant in leaving them, too.


Until next time...
Jadedjewel